Banned: The Politics of ‘Real’ Beauty

On Wednesday it was reported that a complaint from UK’s Jo Swinson, Lib Dem MP, to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) had led ruling that an ad for a L’Oréal anti-wrinkle cream featuring actress Rachel Weisz could never again appear in its current form. The ASA decided that although the ad didn’t misrepresent the “luminosity or wrinkling” of Weisz’s face, “the image had been altered in a way that substantially changed her complexion to make it appear smoother and more even”, and concluded it could therefore mislead the public as to the product’s performance. This came after two rulings in Swinson’s favour last year – ads featuring Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington were also deemed to have been digitally enhanced, and potentially misleading – and another in 2009, when an image of Twiggy was pulled.

This leaves me with two questions:

1 – Is this the biggest priority in an era of unprecedented unemployment and economic crisis? Really?!

2 – Should government be the Photoshop police?  Is this limited to photos of beautiful women or should it include photoshopped ads for cars, appliances, even lamps?

Hmmm... this is an advert for a 'magic' lamp with no cord. Should this photoshopping be banned by the government for false advertising? People don't like to see cords, just like we don't like to see wrinkles or spots. We like 'aspirational' and glamorous advertising...

Given my work and emphasis on beauty and esteem, I find myself conflicted.  On one hand, I do believe unrealistic images of beauty lead to unfair comparisons and lower self image.  But, what’s ‘unrealistic’?

If Rachel Weisz’ skin can’t be photoshopped for a beauty shot, do we need to have disclaimers for every actress who has breast implants, Botox, or other interventions?  Those are equally unreal and proliferate media.  What about makeup and lighting?  You can work miracles with the right lighting and a great makeup artist.  Are those ‘bannable’ as well?

Half of my body is ‘unreal’ at this point – my teeth are whitened, my lashes enhanced, my haircolour has been unnatural since I was 16, hair extensions, miscellaneous plastic surgeries, Botox (which needs a touch up, actually), assorted laser/chemical peels over the years and, oh yes, Shellac nail polish.  Do I need a disclaimer?

Also, don’t you think our government officials have more pressing issues to worry about just now than Rachel Weisz’ crows feet or concealed spots?

So, my solution:  educate women on how to spot Photoshop and anything ‘fake’!  Then government can get back to finding jobs for people and punishing those responsible for the financial situation by taking away their bonuses and titles.

Herewith: The Telltale Signs of Photoshopping (and, mind you, cosmetic companies spend A LOT of money on perfect photoshopping…good photoshoppers are artists who command hefty fees like a photographer.  They are the unsung heroes of the beauty world and every actress/model hopes for the best photoshopper to work on her images.)

IT’S NOT REAL IF:

1 – Things don’t line up or look normal.  Look at Demi Moore’s left thigh in this photo below.  See above the fabric and below – it doesn’t match up.  BAD photoshopping to make thinner thighs.  It’s also common practice to minimize upper arms, nip in the waist, and shadow the jaw to make the model ‘lose’ 10 lbs.

Look at her left thigh above and below the fabric of the 'skirt'... um, no.

2 – You don’t see pores in the skin.  I actually defy you to find a cover of any women’s magazine that has a single discernable pore. Here are the ads that have been banned in the UK featuring Weisz, Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington.  See, there are no fine lines or imperfections.  That’s because they’re selling foundation!

How it works: the photoshopper finds a bit of ‘perfect’ skin on the image and then uses that ‘sample’ to colour in the rest so it’s all even.  This can also, obviously be done using the makeup being sold – go figure.  (Looking at these, I’m actually just thrilled they’re using models who are over 30.  We could have ‘realistic’ ads of 17 year olds showing us foundation… is that better?)

Controversial Rachel Weisz advert

Ads banned in the UK for being 'unrealistic'

3 – There are shapes that can’t logically exist.  This hair advert must be photoshopped because hair can’t do that as we all know from living on Earth and understanding gravity and physics.  The shape has been created and those reflective ‘glossies’ are added and of course, hair doesn’t get poured out of a bottle…

This isn't real... duh

4 – It’s too glossy. Anything too glossy, too smooth, too perfect has probably been photoshopped. Look at almost any hair advert that is promoting smooth, glossy hair.  The reflection is practically white – no way that happens in real life.  The lighting helps, but it must be photoshopped to get that effect.  We like glossy things – that’s why we like shiny icons on our screens that have a reflection – it makes us think ‘clean’ and ‘new’ and ‘special’.  So advertisers give us extra shine.

Hair isn't this glossy in real life - see the 'white' highlights

So, do your part to save taxpayer money and government time.  Spread the word to your friends: Don’t judge yourself by what you see in magazines – they’re not real!  Problem solved!

xx C

Life’s too short to feel bad about your body

This is an edited excerpt from  a great blog post from psychcentral.com

Life is too short to worry about minor things, but it’s also too long to not feel good.  As you read the ‘life’s too short’ statement, think about what behaviour and thinking you’ve been letting go on for too long — what are you ready to let go of to feel beautiful?

xx – Coni

Life Is Short: Beyond A Negative Body Image

By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, MS

 

{via etsy}

A poor body image has a way of making you forget about the amazing moments in life, both big and small. It has a way of either helping you ignore them or stomping on them altogether. It has a way of making a positive occasion into a negative one. A compliment into an insult.

Instead of focusing on the beauty of a bouquet of flowers, you’re focused on the shape of your thighs. Instead of enjoying chatting with your friends, you’re conscious about the number of calories you’ve consumed. Instead of getting excited about a beautiful occasion, you’re miserable in the fitting room, trying on your 10th outfit.

 

Recently a powerful post popped up in my Google Reader: Danielle LaPorte’s “In Honor of the Fact That Life is Short.”

Here’s an excerpt:

wear your white shirts. get them pressed.
use your good dishes — everyday.
shave on weekends.

do not wait for special occasions.
do not tuck your best away in the drawers, in the back of the closet, in your heart.
don’t wait for holidays or invitations.

declare that your today is the special occasion.

call instead of emailing. (it feels so good to connect.)
go for coffee.

quit.

renounce your glory days. you’ve told all of those stories more than twice.
focus forward.

wear perfume for yourself. toss your only-wear-around-the-house clothes and let your good clothes graduate to around-the-house status.
intend to feel good all of the time.

As soon as I read these words, I immediately started thinking about how I want to spend my life. The reality is that life is short.

And sometimes, when we’re deep in body dissatisfaction or nit-picking a few parts, we forget that. When we’re focused on the number on the scale or the size on our clothing, we forget that. When our shaky body image dictates our shaky self-esteem, we forget that.

So it can help to put life into perspective, to remind ourselves of the brighter present and future. To remind ourselves to enjoy life more. And stop berating ourselves.

Below are some of my thoughts on how I’d like to live life. I hope they inspire you to think about how you’d like to live yours. In fact, if you like, write down your own body image/life mantras, and keep the list somewhere handy and visible, so you rarely forget.

Because life is short, I’d like to think less about my hips and more on meaningful thoughts and taking action.

Because life is short, I’d like to nitpick less and laugh more.

Because life is short, I’d like to be less distracted with the superficial and more focused on what counts.

Because life is short, I’d like to eat foods that nourish my mind and body and taste really, really good. Like oranges, grapes, carrots, blackberries, dark chocolate with hazelnuts, bang-bang shrimp and seafood chowder at Bonefish and New York style pizza.

Because life is short, I’d like to write the things that make my heart skip a beat. Not always. But most of the time.

Because life is short, I’d like to relax my worrywart ways.

Because life is short, I’d like to use my eyes to truly see the little triumphs.

Because life is short, I’d like to look at pomegranates like the above photographer does.

Because life is short, I’d like to spend it dancing and drawing and getting lost in good books.

Because life is short, I’d like to move in enjoyable ways.

Because life is short, I’d like to focus less on my hangups and shortcomings and more on my loved ones, my goals, my creativity and traveling.

Because life is short, I’d like to take more pictures, give more hugs and smile more often.

Because life is short, what do you want to focus on? 

Savage Beauty Favorite McQueen Moment

My copy of “Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty” came in today’s post. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Robert and I sat down and immediately went through each page like reading a favorite children’s story. Each photo is breathtaking. Each quote inspiring. And the tragic ending is bittersweet when you consider what an impact McQueen had and the respect he deserves for living a life on his terms.

Favorite Alexander McQueen quotes from the book:

“I want to empower women. I want people to be afraid of the women I dress.”

“I’m an avid follower of the news, and sometimes you just can’t take any more war, any more disasters, and you want to remind yourself there’s beauty in the world.”

“Birds in flight fascinate me. I admire eagles and falcons. I’m inspired by a feather but also its color, its graphics, its weightlessness and its engineering. It’s so elaborate. In fact I try and transpose the beauty of a bird to women.”

“Women should look like women. A piece of cardboard has no sexuality.”

Does ‘Biggest Loser’ Make You Feel Like a Loser?

Shows Like 'Biggest Loser' Can Actually Make You Feel Worse About Yourself

Weight loss reality shows are increasingly popular.  You’d think there would be nothing more motivating and inspiring than to watch someone change their habits and focus on their health to lose weight and become a new person.

You’d be wrong!  Whilst these shows are seen to be inspiring and educational by some, recent studies indicate that people who watch these shows have a surprising response:  negativity. Thin or ‘healthy’ people have less compassion and more judgment about ‘fat’ people after watching these shows.   When the overweight participants fall off the wagon and indulge, or when they complain about exercising and the effort involved, ‘healthy’ people have a stronger bias against overweight people and believe they are lazy, unintelligent, and incompetent. (Not fair, of course, because let’s face it, I whinge in my head nonstop whilst at the gym – I just don’t have a producer encouraging me to say what’s on my mind whilst a camera crew records it and then it gets edited to show just what a whinger I really am and broadcast for the world to see!  Every ‘fit’ person, athlete or exercise buff has moments when they’re tired and unmotivated.)

‘Fat’ people who watch these shows also feel worse about themselves – likely because the over-dramatization of the weight loss programme makes them feel like they can never change without equal support.  Also, watching people who ‘fail’ on the programme reinforces that feeling of ‘I can never do that – see, it’s impossible!’

Even the ‘success’ stories have a double edge – if you see someone lose weight on a programme, you feel badly because you aren’t losing weight and aren’t as motivated/good.  Then, in a double whammy, when they go back to visit the people later and they’ve regained the weight, you feel like ‘See, it’s hopeless, there’s no point.

Wow – a lot of negative talk going on in our heads just from watching people at a ‘fat camp!’

What to do?  First, stop comparing.  You are not better than these people if you’re fit; you are not worse than these people if you’re not.  Just stop putting your self image in any relation to them whatsoever.

Second, notice your thinking.  When you watch these programmes, what are you saying to yourself?  If it’s something you don’t like or wouldn’t say out loud, then switch it off.  Don’t give that negative voice in your head any ammunition to shoot yourself with!

Third, be generous.  Practice generosity with yourself if you’re trying to lose weight.  Get help and support from people that make sense and make you feel good.  Also, if you have a weight bias against others, think of examples of heavy people that go against the myth and judgment in your head.  Oprah Winfrey has famously struggled with her weight – she’s no idiot and nobody could accuse her of being lazy or unmotivated.  It’s just her issue and she seems to be at peace with her weight and her beauty.

Fourth, accept yourself.  Dr. Martin Seligman is a world renowned psychologist and practitioner of positive psychology – super smart guy who should be able to control the impulses that result in weight gain/loss, right?  In his book “What You Can Change and What You Can’t” he talks about self control:

“Some theorists, like my friend Roy Baumeister, believe that self-control is a general trait. My experience with weight-loss versus exercise belies this. I have weighed 95 kg for the last twenty years, and I have dieted a dozen times only to return to 95 kg each time, usually after losing about 5 kg. No self-control? Hardly. Eighteen months ago I took up walking, knowing that 10,000 steps per day halves cardiac risk for someone my age and with my profile of risk. I have walked an average of 14,000 steps per day ever since and my New Year’s resolution is 5,000,000 steps in 2009. I am well on track to my goal. So self-control is for me highly domain specific. For you?”

So what does this mean?  Have realistic expectations.  Set achievable goals. Know who you are.  Don’t compare yourself to an unattainable goal that just makes you feel awful every day because you will ultimately make yourself feel worse and thwart your goals.

The Body Image Inquiry – What Do You Think?

Body Image issues may be legislated in the UK. Early in 2011 Central YMCA commissioned COMRES, an independent market research company to find out what MPs think about body image issues. Some of the key findings include:
Celebrity culture (68%), the fashion industry (53%) and advertisers (52%) are the three elements that MPs view as being the most responsible for negative body image among the British public
MPs support Government facilitating a voluntary code of conduct (56% agree) and policies for more responsible marketing and advertising (52%) to address body image issues
Over one third (40%) of MPs agree that Secondary schools should have mandatory lessons on body image as part of either Personal Social Health and Economic education (PSHE) or through the core curriculum
I don’t blame celebrity culture, fashion or advertisers – I blame education and parents.
Parents – stop telling your daughters they’re beautiful princesses from birth and then wonder why they have low self image. Tell them they’re smart, focus on when they solve problems well or have other achievements, and tell them they have pretty eyes if they have pretty eyes – but a big general ‘you’re such a beautiful girl’ reinforces that is how she adds values to the world.
Schools – teach kids how to eat healthy and encourage exercise. Classes in self image could be helpful, but I wonder what these mandatory lessons would include? The reality is every culture and generation has body image issues – this is not a new phenomenon. With social media and the proliferation of images on the Internet, it’s just more visible than before. Show them how fashion has changed and how idealisations of attractiveness are pervasive in every culture.
There are several keys to self image – and legislating magazines and celebrities isn’t the solution. This is what I would teach in our schools:
1 – Acceptance – Accept who you are and find a visible role model to support a realistic version of your beauty. Look for images of women that are close to your colouring, build, and style as icons – don’t keep comparing yourself against Angelina Jolie or Rihanna because that’s just silly. There are plenty of female role models of every shape, size and style – if you say there are only skinny young blondes on TV and in magazines, it’s simply not true.
2 – Aspire – Accept who you want to be. If you want to be thinner or more stylishly dressed, that’s achievable. Own your aspirations – there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good and feel good about yourself. Get support to achieve an achievable vision – just remember to be realistic.
3 – Awareness – Start thinking about your whole self – not just the surfaces. What are your character strengths? What are you doing for others? How are you contributing to the world? How are you smart or talented? You are so much more than your surfaces – but we sometimes have to stop and think about what’s inside.

When you start obsessing about how you look or feeling bad about your image:

1 – Shift your brain to Neutral

2 – Recognize these thoughts aren’t useful

3 – Isolate what caused the negative thought (Did someone make a comment that triggered it? Did you see a friend on Facebook that looks ‘better’ than you? Did you see a photo in a magazine or an image on TV – what or who was it? Did you eat something unhealthy?  Did you see yourself in a mirror?)

4 – Whatever you’re thinking – make it small and push it out (‘What they say doesn’t matter – I look fine.’  ’She looks good in that picture.  It’s nothing to do with me.’ ‘That model is pretty. They’ve done a good job styling her and photographing her.’ ‘I ate a doughnut – I’ll eat an orange for my afternoon snack. It’s okay.’)

5 – Notice your trends and change behaviour.  (What are your triggers for negative thoughts?  If it’s magazines/TV shows – stop looking at them.  If it’s Facebook, de-friend negative influences.  If it’s food guilt, research a healthy diet, write it down, and do your best to stick to it.  If it’s looking in the mirror, try to find what’s right – at least one thing you like about yourself – and then don’t rip yourself apart.)

Practice this today and see how you feel…

 

Does Facebook Lower Your Self Esteem and Make You Sad?

Don't Let Facebook Bum You Out

Recent research indicates Facebook users may have lower self esteem. The study by Utah Valley University found comparing yourself against your ‘friends’ profiles of pictures of smiling, cheerful faces makes you feel worse about yourself. The study – published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behaviour and Social Networking – found that people who spent more time actually socialising with friends in the flesh were less likely to feel they had been handed life’s short straw.

Social media is… social – so it’s no surprise that it has an impact on your self image. The issue isn’t core self esteem, however, but one of mindset. We see a similar effect when women/girls look at photos in fashion magazines. A woman with a ‘fixed’ mindset looks at a photo of a beautiful model and thinks ‘I’ll never be as pretty as her’ whereas a woman with a ‘growth’ mindset looks at the same photo and thinks ‘Oh, she’s pretty.’

Same thing with watching the news. Fixed mindset = ‘the world is falling apart’; growth mindset = ‘oh, that news is (interesting, sad, great, etc)’ without judgment or ‘catastrophization’.

So – back to Facebook: if you have a fixed mindset, when you look at Facebook you think everyone else is popular, happy, social and having a better life. People with a natural growth mindset just think – ‘oh, that’s interesting.’

The keys to being a happy Facebooker:

1 – Recognize who you are and be okay with it. Introvert or extrovert, social or shy – we can’t really change our self-esteem, but we can become more comfortable being our actual selves. Accept who you are.

2 – Notice how you feel and respond. If Facebook makes you sad, log out. Give yourself permission to switch it off and don’t judge yourself for it.

3 – Be a cynic. Nobody is always happy or always ‘glossy.’ Be a little cynical when you look at profiles and realize most people are presenting a façade.

4 – Make it small and push it away. If you’re bummed out – realize this is temporary and resolve to move on. Minimize what you’re making it mean (lots of Facebook friends does not equal ‘popular’ in the real world; lots of photos at parties does not equal ‘happy’ in real life!)

5 – Clean house and be as real as you can. Go through right now and delete people you don’t know. Make your Facebook real – full of people you actually know. Then, go through and delete people who are negative or make you feel bad when you look at their comments and posting. They’re bad virtual energy for you. You don’t hang out with people you don’t like in real life – ditch them on Facebook.

What NOT to Wear to the Gym

It’s a new year and the gym is packed with people hot on their new years ‘get fit’ resolution.

Starting a workout regime is a challenge for anyone, but you want to be sure you look like you fit in when you hit the gym.

So, add new style to your new year’s resolution and look amazing whilst you get fit!

I’m staggered by what people wear to the gym – honestly. These are real-life true examples of what I have witnessed my fellow exercisers wearing at my local, average London gym (I’m not inventing these things – I couldn’t be that imaginative!)

15 THINGS TO NOT WEAR TO THE GYM EVER AGAIN:

1 – A button up dress shirt with track pants. (Duh. You probably forgot to pack your t-shirt in your gym back and were coming from work. Take 2 minutes and buy a cheap t-shirt.)
2 – Uggs
3 – Knit caps
4- Any shoes that have ‘toes’
5 – No shoes at all
6 – Shorts that are so short you can see private parts when you bend over
7 – Guy wearing tights and wellies (true)
8 – Gym clothes that you obviously wore as a school uniform
9 – Things that are shiny, sparkly, glittery
10 – Pink velour anything
11 – Things that I can smell from two treadmills away
12 – Don’t show your belly if it’s not flat and toned
13 – Dangly earrings and jewelry
14 – Gross shoes
15 – Padded bike shorts (unless you’re leaving the Gym straight for the Tour de France)